ROAD TRIP-3 FLOYDS BREWERY PART 1

There are few things more entertaining than going on a road trip with your buddies to some far off distant land filled with wonder!  Ghay enough sounding?  Well road trips always seem awesome on paper and they usually end up being awesome in the real, but they don’t always go to plan!  Case in point my road trip with Turbo and the Assassin to 3 Floyds Brewery in Munster, Indiana back in August of 2012!

3 Floyds brewery is the Mecca of beer for me outside of Colorado.  Turbo and I originally made our way up there back in 2010 for Dark LordsDay.  That place was a madhouse and it would’ve been a lot of fun but sadly I was in the early stages of post traumatic divorce disorder (PTDD) so I wasn’t fully committed to having a good time!  Fault being squarely placed on my insane X!  Anyway we’d been talking about making a trip back up to 3 Floyds for a long time.  Turbo finally put it together agreeing to drive our sexy asses up to the Illinois-Indiana border to the 3 Floyds Brewery!

Turbo is the patron saint of divorced men!  He’s had the insanely crazy, illogical, and unrealistic x-wife!  He’s got kids!  He’s been near broke because of both the aforementioned!  He’s been through almost everything and his knowledge of legal matters and such when it comes to divorce is very extensive!  You could say with 100% certainty that the experience of divorce has tempered him closer to the extreme! 

The Assassin is divorced as well but he’s the polar opposite of Turbo.   The Assassin is so laid back that I often have to check if he’s even got a pulse.  In fact the only way for me to tell if he’s alive is to either give him food or beer in either case he eats like it’s his last meal or his face gets bright red from drinking multiple IPAs. 

We set out on the road in Turbo’s BMW.  Now it’s a nice car, but I don’t like to ride in it with him because I think two dudes in a nice car like that looks extremely ghay…case in point my ghayborghs asked me if Tim was my boyfriend because A) he’s always at my house, and B) he always has such nice cars which I guess in the ghay male community is a thing?  So we got up early and set out on the open road heading north to the 3 Floyds brewery!

We made the assumption that Munster was in Indiana that it would be on Eastern Time!  Well we assumed wrong.  Apparently counties in the northern portion of Indiana can decide what time zone they want to be in and how that happens is beyond me.  So of course when we got to 3 Floyds we assumed that the brewery would be open since it was 10:00 our time which would’ve been 11:00 eastern.  NO the brewery was locked down tighter than a wife’s butthole.  So we had to kill about an hour.  We used that time to check into our hotel and buy some cigars to enjoy as well!

When the brewery finally opened I was shocked at the amount of people lining up outside

the door but not at the restaurant, at the actual door that sells all of 3 Floyd’s beer as well as merchandise.  They had some pretty cool swag!  The only bummer is you’re limited to two (2) cases of beer per person!  Which made perfect sense why a guy had brought his pregnant wife from Chicago…so she could get two (2) cases in addition to his?  That is a genius way to use a woman who’s pregnant and basically worthless for 9 months unless you consider constant nagging and complaining to be a marketable skill!  I ended up buying 2 cases of beer (a case and a half of Zombie Dust, and a 12 pack of Gumball Head).

We finally made our way to the brew-pub…Dawson was getting hungry which is a shocker!  That guy can eat his weight in food in one sitting and I’m pretty sure he takes shits that look like larva stage Mothra from the Godzilla movies!  We got into the bar and bellied up to the bar right next this nice young dude named Charlie!  Charlie was there enjoying a few pints while his girlfriend was working!  Charlie worked around the Munster area in the medical field!  We all ordered up a pint ourselves and proceeded to talk Charlie’s ear off about beer and life in general!  The most important piece of wisdom we imparted on young Charlie dealt with getting married…DON’T!   I still have Charlie’s number and plan on sending him an invite when we go back up there.

The bar at 3 Floyd’s is pretty awesome, but not too fancy!  The ambience is just right if you want to enjoy a beer, have a meal, or do both!  It’s not a big place by any means, but then again most brewpubs I’ve visited aren’t.  The first thing that stood out to me was if you didn’t have at least half your body covered in ink…then you probably couldn’t work there!  I saw some of the coolest ink just on the bar tenders and servers!  Some of the most beautiful women (IMO) I’ve ever seen have significant body art!  I’m into that shit even though most of those broad’s views don’t always go hand in hand with mine.  But I find good beer can bring people together and I found this to be the case at 3 Floyds because I got along with all the hipsters there! 

Like I mentioned we ordered up a few pints to kick off the afternoon as well as a nice meal!  I

got a pint of Zombie Dust and a pulled pork sandwich.  Turbo got some kind of brat or polish sausage with an awesome mustard sauce and a pint of Jinx Proof.  The Assassin went with his old favorite; a burger and a pint of Apocalypse Cow IPA.  I should mention that the food at 3 Floyds is awesome and very tasty!  In fact if you don’t particularly like beer, it’s totally worth going to 3 Floyd’s just for the beer!  At some point during the meal Charlie had to get home, hopefully to dump his girlfriend (I hope he had sex with her first)!!!  Taking Charlie’s place was some kid who worked for an oil refinery…he was a piece of work!  In the time it took us to finish one more pint this kid drank about 4 beers and had at least 4 of the same appetizer ($10 apiece).  The whole time he elaborated on his addiction to weed, and how with his new job’s drug testing policy he was unable to smoke as often as he’d like!  He also elaborated on all the drugs he’s done throughout the course of his young life, which was a lot!  The funniest part about this dude was he apparently had a hot, nympho girlfriend (don’t we all) who was an artist by day and a fucking weed fiend by night!  Apparently the hardest part about his self imposed weed prohibition was having to come home every night and see his GF getting backed out of her fucking mind…but the upside was she always was making food and he got to do anal whenever he wanted!!  Hey his words to our ears!

It was becoming evident that we needed to end our lunch and get the fuck outta 3 Floyds for a bit because we and when I say we…Turbo, was starting to get a little tipsy!  So we headed outside, had a cigar, I loaded my beer in the BMW and we got the hell outta dodge!  On our way back to the hotel Turbo decided to be an obnoxious asshole!  He was a little buzzed and started driving like a maniac which was highly annoying especially when you’re 3.5 hours away from your home and a DUI would have complicated things!  I tried to talk Turbo off the ledge but “Billy Bad Ass” wasn’t having it!  Instead he went into full on prick mode and escalated his assiness!  Eventually we got in a little drunk spat in which Turbo wouldn’t back down…I had to tell him he was being a douche!  I hurt me more than it hurt him!  I just didn’t want him to get a DUI!  Sober heads eventually prevailed and we made it back to the hotel in one piece!  For the record I haven’t went on any long trips with Turbo since!  That’ll probably change this summer! 

This is it for Part 1, stay tuned for Part 2 it’s a doozy!

CHIEF WOODENHEAD

As some of you know I am the proud...extremely proud owner of my very own authentic cigar store indian!  It's not some cheep knock off some fuckin no-teeth hick carved outta wood with his chainsaw at a county fair either, it's a legit wooden Indian and it's one of my most prized possessions!  His name is Chief Woodenhead!  This month marks the 10 anniversary of me and The Chief!  I feel a post is deserved in order to tell his proper story!  

Back in 2003 I was rock bottom!  I was living at home, pointlessly studying for my PE exam, working for an overly religious micromanager and my Mom was going through menopause!  It was a scene directly out of a B movie horror flick!  Sitting on my ass studying one night for some reason I had a brief flashback to 1987!  Now someone who doesn't know me very well would think I wanted a cigar store indian as a result of my passion for cigars!  Not the case!  I actually wanted a cigar store indian after seeing 1987's Stephen King inspired film; Creep Show 2!  The first Creep Show film was released in 1982 and featured short stories written by King with art by my all time favorite comic artist Bernie Wrightson!  Creep Show was awesome, but 1987's Creep Show 2 was even better because it featured a short story called "Old Chief Woodenhead"!  In a nutshell the story featured a cigar store indian who comes to life to avenge his owner's death at the hands of injun robbers!  After seeing that short story I instantly started fantasizing about someday owning my own cigar store Indian!  

Flash Forward about 16 years later and I was surfing around on e-bay late one night and I

got the urge to do search for cigar store indians!  Outta nowhere this particular Indian in Las Vegas (pictured to the right) pops up on my search!  After some e-mail correspondence with the sellers I learned that the indian was purchased from a casino in Vegas.  After I found that out I was bound and determined to buy this Indian!  Shit at that time I was living at home and had more disposable income than I've had before or since!  So without telling anyone I bid and won that particular indian on e-bay!  Two weeks later a snowstorm not unlike the one that recently hit was going on when I got the call from a freight carrier in Terre Haute. I had a crate at their dock to pick up!  I told my dad we had to go to Terre Haute to pick up a box in the shitty weather!  At the time I had bronchitis and an ear infection, but I wanted that damn indian!  So after work we loaded up in my Dad's giant Chevy and went to pick that indian from Sin City up!  

When we arrived at the loading dock my Dad saw this giant crate that looked like a coffin!  He asked what the hell it was and I wouldn't tell him yet!  A forklift and some tie-downs later we were on our way home in the ice and snow!  As we pulled up in the driveway I could see my Mom looking out the living-room window with this bewildered look on her face!  We pulled into the garage and I began disassembling the crate.  All I remember is the look on my Dad's face when he realized what was in the crate...a Giant Wooden Indian!  He (Woodenhead) weighed approximately 240 pounds and it took both my Dad and me to carry him in where my Mom about shit from the sight of a 6'-8" wooden Indian coming through her front door to become the odd centerpiece of her newly decorated living room!  It took a few days for the shock of the giant wooden Indian to where off of her!  Like I said she was going through menopause so she wasn't playing with a full deck to begin with!  I positioned the indian right in the bay window at my parents house so at night when the lights were just right his profile was visible to passing cars!  Needless to say a lot of cars drove by!  

Thankfully for my mom he (Woodenhead) only stayed in the living-room for about 2 months when I finally moved to my own house, menopause was too much for a guy in his early 20s!  

my cigar store indian was one of the first things to be moved to my new house.  When me and Smutdawg moved the indian to the house we did so with class and style putting him in the back of my truck where he was too big to fit all the way in the bed!  We drove through town basking in the stares!  As I stood him up in my house I named him "Chief Woodenhead" in honor of that indian in Creepshow 2!  We put the indian in my living-room where he would become the centerpiece of my home as well as an eventual lightning rod for argument.  

The first night I met my then future x-wife I introduced her to the Chief, and needless to say her overly liberal sense of self-righteousness was not impressed with the fact that I had a 6'-8" symbol of Old West American oppression and manifest destiny especially since he was wrapped in an American flag loin cloth!  She was pretty liberal in those days because she had aspirations of becoming a lawyer...needless to say that never happened!  She even hated Chief Illiniwek...right there should have been a red flag for me to dump her crazy ass, but I digress!

As our relationship progressed so did the tension between her and Chief Woodenhead!  We'd spar over and over again about him and his position as the centerpiece of my home.  She even went so far as to tell me she was embarrassed by him when her friends came to visit, the odd thing was...she didn't have a lot of friends!  Eventually it all culminated into a heated showdown one evening!  After a particular brutal loss by the Steelers at the hands of the then Jay Cutler led Denver Broncos I was feeling down and vulnerable when that she-demon attacked!  She took advantage of me and my depression and passively aggressively argued with me about the indian...she even threatened to leave!  In hindsight I shoulda let that happen!  But sadly I didn't and I eventually gave in moving Chief Woodenhead from his position as my home's centerpiece down to the basement where he would become the centerpiece of McHooligan's pub...where he stands to this day!  Girlfriends have come and gone, I've been engaged, married, divorced ect...Through the good times and the bad Chief Woodenhead has stood there never wavering!

Ironically he fits in my bar better than he did upstairs!  So Chief there Chief Woodenhead stands, watching over my bar, my beer, my cigars just like the indian in Creepshow 2!  He's been with me ever since I moved out of my parents home and the gods willing he'll be with me till the end!  

Cheers!

HINTERLAND MAPLE BOCK @hinterlandbeer

I'm sure I come off like a beer snob or some sort of beer "fanboy"!  If you think that I have two ass-cheeks you can kiss!  Anyways it's not often I cover a beer or other drink I don't like...today that all changes.  

The last few times I've made my weekly beer run to Baesler's my eyes have been hypnotically transfixed on this Maple Bock beer by a Wisconsin brewery/ restaurant named Hinterland.  On several occasions I've put a 4 pack in my cart only to have eventual second thoughts of buyers remorse and put it back on the shelf.  Well a few weeks back I decided to finally pull the trigger on this particular beer.  

Maple Bock has a dark brown, mahogany hue around the fringe. The dark, creamy looking head leaves you with a little bit of lace. Hints of chocolate and caramel malts and a touch of maple syrup fill your nose. Maple Bock enters your mouth dense, and full. With the nice taste of a solid bock, maple syrup flavor doesn't overpower the rest of the beer. Layered roasted malt and caramel create a slightly sweet flavor. Maple Bock was given the "World Champion Bock" designation by the World Beer Championships in 1997.

Beer Advocate rates Maple Bock an 85 on their scale which is Good!

When you get a beer named "Maple Bock" you think maple sirup so naturally you want to drink it at close to room temperature.  I actually chilled this beer then left it out for about 40 minutes on the counter.  I popped the top of the beer and was overcome by a nice aroma!  However after the first swirly sip it was evident I wasn't going to like this beer.  There was no real hint of maple at all or there was no malty profile like Hinterland likes to claim!  What stood out about this quite unremarkable beer was that it had a metallic after taste.  It was not very appealing to say the least.  The beer really had no distinct taste other than the metallic aftertaste.  I was highly disappointed in it.  The bottles were really cool and I guess that's what drew me to this beer along with the name Maple Bock.  To be fair to Hinterland I'm not going to say Maple Bock was terrible.  It was the first beer of theirs that I have tried so I don't have anything to compare it too which is different from my review of Rampant and New Belgium since I've had plenty of their beer catalog.  

I have two (2) Maple Bock's left and I plan on offering them out when beer tasting season at Mcooligan's starts this coming month.  Like I mentioned, not a huge fan of Hinterland's Maple Bock and don't plan on buying anymore, but I would be interested on visiting their restaurant in Wisconsin and trying it on tap because there's always a difference in how a beer tastes in a bottle as compared to fresh from the tap.  But don't take my word for it, if you see a 4 pack of Maple Bock feel free to try it and see what you think!

Cheers!

SAM ADAMS VERLOREN @SamuelAdamsBeer

I often forget that Sam Adams was pretty much one of the first micro brews to make it big.  They pretty much figured out the big brewers like Miller, Coors, and Anheiser Busch were making shit beer and wanted to brew something normal men could drink!  Sam Adams has been doing that for a long time with their Boston Lager being probably their most famous beer and one of most widely drank beers around.  When you hit a bar I will bet ya they have one of Sam Adams beers on tap or in bottle.  That being said the boom of micro brews currently has given birth to some amazing and unique tasting beers.  This trend hasn't gone unnoticed by Sam Adams!  Over the past few years Sam Adams has been putting out their "small batch" line of beers.  These beers are often only brewed in limited release and involve beers brewed with anything from chocolates to chills.  Some even involve beers that have been reengineered from beer found at archaeological sites or in sunken viking ships!  The first one I tasted was Verloren!

A link to the ales of Saxony that had all but vanished, this Gose is a peculiar yet captivating brew.  With a base of an unfiltered wheat ale, it’s vivid and refreshing yet also has a softness to it.  The flavor is brought to life by an unexpected touch of salt for a mineral quality, and coriander for a peppery spice, resulting in an unusual and delicate, yet flavorful brew.

Beer Advocate gives Verloren an 80 

At 6.0% ABV Verloren is a modestly strong beer!  When I tasted it definitely had the wheat beer characteristics that I've grown to not particularly like.  But actually I liked this beer because the wheat profile wasn't overwhelmingly strong.  Verloren was a smooth beer from the time it touched my tongue and after the taste set in!  Like I've said in previous posts I'm not a big wheat beer guy, but I will try ones that interest me and Verloren did just that.  At around $4.00 a bottle it's not pricey compared to brands like Dogfish Head who also are putting out concept style beers similar to Verloren.  For the price I think it's a great beer.  If you're a Blue Moon fan then I know you will like Verloren a lot.  Sam Adams has definitely hit a homer with their small batch beers and I have several sitting on the shelf waiting on me to open em and enjoy their tasty goodness!  So if you're out stop by your local Binny's or Friar Tuck and grab some of the Sam Adams small batch beers!  I don't think you'll be disappointed!

Cheers!

RAMPANT IMPERIAL IPA @newbelgium

Nice try New Belgium!  Getting my dick all hard over the hyped up release of your new Imperial IPA; Rampant!  New Belgium Ranger IPA is one of my all time favorite beers, and this is not Ranger!  I'm disappointed in this beer, really disappointed!  

For those not familiar with Imperial IPAs I'll give you a brief description.  Imperial IPAs also know as Double IPAs are stringer, hoppier variants of standard IPAs.  Imperial IPAs generally run over 7.5% in alcohol content which tends to give them more of an alcohol taste and hides some of the hop profile!  




Beer Advocate gives Rampant an 88

Now I'm not saying this is a bad beer, but when I first saw the launch on twitter I was expecting something way different than what I actually tasted!  In fact I modeled my whole day after finding this beer!  I took GQB7 to Terre Haute to Sushi Umi for lunch then went on a beer hunt!  On the way over I nearly killed a small dog that ran out in from of me and thank the gods I didn't because I didn't want to watch GQB7 cry for the next half hour because some toy dog woke up in a mud puddle and realized it lived in West Terre Haute and decided to commit suicide via my truck!  Well played dog well played!  Dodged that bullet only to see a dude in a junk truck drive by me with a truck load full of junk topped off by a Pontiac Grand Am!  That was seriously fucking odd!  So after a brief discussion of the pros and cons of having two dicks instead of one and lunch we went on a beer quest for Rampant!

Hit Bourbon and Canal up and was shocked to find one 6er of 3 Floyds Alpha King, which I promptly grabbed.  Then I noticed an end cap full of Windmer Brother's South by Northwest (SXNW) beer!  I grabbed two bottles of that shit and I will cover that in a later post.  For the record SXNW is probably one of the best beers I've ever had and at $13 a bottle it had better be!  Sadly thought there was no Rampant at B&B so we hit up Baesler's where a freshly stocked shelf reveled to me a whole fresh stash of Rampant Imperial IPA!  

The first thing that jumped out at me was the price; $4.99 for a 20oz bottle!  I was shocked and thought what a bargain and grabbed two bottles!  So I shuffled home, dropped my copilot off and went home and put one bottle on chill in the bar!  I like to enjoy most of my IPAs at or slightly below room temp so after a few hours on chill I took the bottle out and placed in on the bar and went and had Joe's Pizza!  So as I'm typing write now I'm drinking this beer!

As I popped the cap I noticed a nice and strong hoppy aroma coming out of the bottle!  I looked at the label to see if there was an IBU rating but couldn't find one!  I'm assuming it's lower than the 70 IBUs of Ranger but I can't say for sure!  The color is a night light color almost close to that of a pilsner beer!  The head was nice and foamy just like an IPA should be!  I gave it a few swirls, let it sit for a moment and took a sip!  I tasted a slight hoppiness but what disappointed me was the follow up...it tasted like wet grass or straw!  Now some people would call that a complex taste, but I call that bullshit!  If you're going to call something a double IPA then make it fucking taste like a double IPA!  Instead it tastes like a dog just ate a shit load of grass and vomited it in my mouth!  I have two pints of this shit to get through and at 8.5% it should give me and adequate buzz, but fuck a duck it won't be enjoyable!  It tastes like a stronger version of Left Hand's Stranger Pale Ale!  Uck!

Nice try New Belgium, but why the hell not just take Ranger and amp it up similar to what Oscar Blues does with Dale's Pale Ale in there amped up version Deviant Dale's?  I think New Belgium did create a new beer, but it isn't an Imperial IPA to me, it's an abomination!  That being said don't take my word for it try it for yourself!  

Cheers!

JAMESON IRISH WHISKEY

Few drinks are as near and dear to my black heart as Jameson Irish Whiskey.  Over the past 17 years I have done some amazing, or if you're a pessimist the most asinine things while enjoying the sweet sweet nectar of John Jameson's famous distilled creation.  


The company was established in 1780 when John Jameson established the Bow Street Distillery in Dublin!  Jameson is by far the best selling Irish Whiskey in the world with annual sales of 31 million bottles.  Jameson Irish whiskey is produced from a mixture of malted and unmalted or "green" Irish barley, all sourced from within a fifty mile radius around the distillery in Cork. The barley is dried in a closed kiln fired by natural gas, and formerly anthracite coal, to preserve its flavour. Like most Irish whiskey, Jameson is triple distilled for optimum smoothness. The philosophy is balance, ensuring that no one flavour element overpowers another. The end result is a sweet-tasting whiskey.


I was first introduced to Jameson back at the University of Illinois when The Weasel, Mike T, and Gunner first became roommates at Weston Hall at the old 6-Pack Dorms!  The Weasel was the one who introduced us!   The Weasel was a fine Irish lady!  He always proposed we start a weekend off with some Jameson shots as we hit the bars!  It didn't take long for the Jameson to start to "retard" our judgement!  


Before long we had hooked up with a few other lads and introduced them to Jameson as well.  Steveo, Fish, Shoots and Zents all joined the cult of Jameson and we all became friends as well as roughneck hooligan's!  Sadly Mike T didn't make it through the first year and had to transfer, but that had nothing to do with the Jameson, it was more to do with his love of sleep!  But alas Mike T is a very successful structural engineer with a beautiful wife and kids!  In fact everyone but Steveo and I have beautiful wives and kids...sans FIsh he just has a beautiful wife!  


We enjoyed Jameson in many forms not just shots!  The dreaded Irish Car Bomb was one of our favorites!  The Car Bomb entails taking a double shot or a pint (if you're game) of Guinness and dropping a shot of Jameson in it and then chugging it all down!  It's a great n tasty drink, but watch out have too many and you might be cleaning your undies out after shitting your pants in a booth at Legend's Bar, or vomiting on the floor of a buddies bathroom and covering it with his bathmat so he won't know...right away!  


One thing I wouldn't recommend doing would be to do a shot of Jameson every minute for 10 minutes on St. Patty's day!  That is a bit of a stretch of ones ability to tolerate excessive amounts of alcohol and next thing you know you're driving your buddies car down I-80 headed downstate towards Champaign while he has his head stuck out the window sharing his puke with everyone else...while it's about 10 degrees out sans the windchill!  That ends up being a mistake that you end up paying for even a few weeks later!  So use caution because if you have too many shots...you also may tell a fat, ugly girl she's fat and ugly...then break a whine glass over your head and call her a whore just for show!


I particularly enjoy Jameson with Ginger ale on the rocks!  If you can't find Ginger ale then Sierra Mist, Sprite, or 7UP work nicely!  I often Enjoy this with a nice cigar!  


But don't take my word for it, pick up a bottle and do stupid things with it...then enjoy the collateral damage!!

Cheers!

UPDATE

It seems like forever since I've posted anything of note here.  No I haven't been in rehab for alcoholism!  I've actually been spending a lot of time working on McHooligan's as well as stocking up on craft beer and cigars.  I've discovered several good brews over the past few months.

Lagunitas out of California has been making some fantastic beer, and I've been lucky enough to find a few IPAs from them that I really like.  Windmer Brothers out of Oregon is another brewer that I've managed to stumble across.  I bought one of their special brews back in October and tapped it in January.  It was one of the best beers I think I've ever tasted.  It seems every time I head to Binny's in Champaign I'm dropping a few bills on different beers.  Right now I have around 30 Bombers in reserve and a few cases of 12 oz bottles just waiting for the weather to break and to start having Happy Hours again!

Cigars haven't really been as interesting as beer!  Sadly I haven't had a smoke since November, 2012.  We haven't got anywhere to smoke comfortably so I've just been quietly stockpiling cigars in my humidor.  I'm on a bit of a Cuban kick at the moment.  I recently acquired some Cubans and I can't wait to smoke a few this summer on the porch.  I've also picked up some premium dominican sticks as well. I broke down and dropped the cash for a few Davidoff Special Series T cigars.  I also by accident bought the Cigar Aficionado Cigar of the Year.  I stumbled across it at Binny's and said what the hell.

Something I plan on deviling into soon are single malt scotch and cognac.  I've been reading up on several different brands and ages of both.  I'm pretty stoked about the prospects of having a nice Cuban with either a glass of scotch or cognac.  But I gotta wake till the weather breaks, and that can't come soon enough!

Cheers!