ROAD TRIP-3 FLOYDS BREWERY PART 1

There are few things more entertaining than going on a road trip with your buddies to some far off distant land filled with wonder!  Ghay enough sounding?  Well road trips always seem awesome on paper and they usually end up being awesome in the real, but they don’t always go to plan!  Case in point my road trip with Turbo and the Assassin to 3 Floyds Brewery in Munster, Indiana back in August of 2012!

3 Floyds brewery is the Mecca of beer for me outside of Colorado.  Turbo and I originally made our way up there back in 2010 for Dark LordsDay.  That place was a madhouse and it would’ve been a lot of fun but sadly I was in the early stages of post traumatic divorce disorder (PTDD) so I wasn’t fully committed to having a good time!  Fault being squarely placed on my insane X!  Anyway we’d been talking about making a trip back up to 3 Floyds for a long time.  Turbo finally put it together agreeing to drive our sexy asses up to the Illinois-Indiana border to the 3 Floyds Brewery!

Turbo is the patron saint of divorced men!  He’s had the insanely crazy, illogical, and unrealistic x-wife!  He’s got kids!  He’s been near broke because of both the aforementioned!  He’s been through almost everything and his knowledge of legal matters and such when it comes to divorce is very extensive!  You could say with 100% certainty that the experience of divorce has tempered him closer to the extreme! 

The Assassin is divorced as well but he’s the polar opposite of Turbo.   The Assassin is so laid back that I often have to check if he’s even got a pulse.  In fact the only way for me to tell if he’s alive is to either give him food or beer in either case he eats like it’s his last meal or his face gets bright red from drinking multiple IPAs. 

We set out on the road in Turbo’s BMW.  Now it’s a nice car, but I don’t like to ride in it with him because I think two dudes in a nice car like that looks extremely ghay…case in point my ghayborghs asked me if Tim was my boyfriend because A) he’s always at my house, and B) he always has such nice cars which I guess in the ghay male community is a thing?  So we got up early and set out on the open road heading north to the 3 Floyds brewery!

We made the assumption that Munster was in Indiana that it would be on Eastern Time!  Well we assumed wrong.  Apparently counties in the northern portion of Indiana can decide what time zone they want to be in and how that happens is beyond me.  So of course when we got to 3 Floyds we assumed that the brewery would be open since it was 10:00 our time which would’ve been 11:00 eastern.  NO the brewery was locked down tighter than a wife’s butthole.  So we had to kill about an hour.  We used that time to check into our hotel and buy some cigars to enjoy as well!

When the brewery finally opened I was shocked at the amount of people lining up outside

the door but not at the restaurant, at the actual door that sells all of 3 Floyd’s beer as well as merchandise.  They had some pretty cool swag!  The only bummer is you’re limited to two (2) cases of beer per person!  Which made perfect sense why a guy had brought his pregnant wife from Chicago…so she could get two (2) cases in addition to his?  That is a genius way to use a woman who’s pregnant and basically worthless for 9 months unless you consider constant nagging and complaining to be a marketable skill!  I ended up buying 2 cases of beer (a case and a half of Zombie Dust, and a 12 pack of Gumball Head).

We finally made our way to the brew-pub…Dawson was getting hungry which is a shocker!  That guy can eat his weight in food in one sitting and I’m pretty sure he takes shits that look like larva stage Mothra from the Godzilla movies!  We got into the bar and bellied up to the bar right next this nice young dude named Charlie!  Charlie was there enjoying a few pints while his girlfriend was working!  Charlie worked around the Munster area in the medical field!  We all ordered up a pint ourselves and proceeded to talk Charlie’s ear off about beer and life in general!  The most important piece of wisdom we imparted on young Charlie dealt with getting married…DON’T!   I still have Charlie’s number and plan on sending him an invite when we go back up there.

The bar at 3 Floyd’s is pretty awesome, but not too fancy!  The ambience is just right if you want to enjoy a beer, have a meal, or do both!  It’s not a big place by any means, but then again most brewpubs I’ve visited aren’t.  The first thing that stood out to me was if you didn’t have at least half your body covered in ink…then you probably couldn’t work there!  I saw some of the coolest ink just on the bar tenders and servers!  Some of the most beautiful women (IMO) I’ve ever seen have significant body art!  I’m into that shit even though most of those broad’s views don’t always go hand in hand with mine.  But I find good beer can bring people together and I found this to be the case at 3 Floyds because I got along with all the hipsters there! 

Like I mentioned we ordered up a few pints to kick off the afternoon as well as a nice meal!  I

got a pint of Zombie Dust and a pulled pork sandwich.  Turbo got some kind of brat or polish sausage with an awesome mustard sauce and a pint of Jinx Proof.  The Assassin went with his old favorite; a burger and a pint of Apocalypse Cow IPA.  I should mention that the food at 3 Floyds is awesome and very tasty!  In fact if you don’t particularly like beer, it’s totally worth going to 3 Floyd’s just for the beer!  At some point during the meal Charlie had to get home, hopefully to dump his girlfriend (I hope he had sex with her first)!!!  Taking Charlie’s place was some kid who worked for an oil refinery…he was a piece of work!  In the time it took us to finish one more pint this kid drank about 4 beers and had at least 4 of the same appetizer ($10 apiece).  The whole time he elaborated on his addiction to weed, and how with his new job’s drug testing policy he was unable to smoke as often as he’d like!  He also elaborated on all the drugs he’s done throughout the course of his young life, which was a lot!  The funniest part about this dude was he apparently had a hot, nympho girlfriend (don’t we all) who was an artist by day and a fucking weed fiend by night!  Apparently the hardest part about his self imposed weed prohibition was having to come home every night and see his GF getting backed out of her fucking mind…but the upside was she always was making food and he got to do anal whenever he wanted!!  Hey his words to our ears!

It was becoming evident that we needed to end our lunch and get the fuck outta 3 Floyds for a bit because we and when I say we…Turbo, was starting to get a little tipsy!  So we headed outside, had a cigar, I loaded my beer in the BMW and we got the hell outta dodge!  On our way back to the hotel Turbo decided to be an obnoxious asshole!  He was a little buzzed and started driving like a maniac which was highly annoying especially when you’re 3.5 hours away from your home and a DUI would have complicated things!  I tried to talk Turbo off the ledge but “Billy Bad Ass” wasn’t having it!  Instead he went into full on prick mode and escalated his assiness!  Eventually we got in a little drunk spat in which Turbo wouldn’t back down…I had to tell him he was being a douche!  I hurt me more than it hurt him!  I just didn’t want him to get a DUI!  Sober heads eventually prevailed and we made it back to the hotel in one piece!  For the record I haven’t went on any long trips with Turbo since!  That’ll probably change this summer! 

This is it for Part 1, stay tuned for Part 2 it’s a doozy!