Sometimes in life we decide to do something that at the time seems like
a good idea like marrying a bipolar blonde who pulls her hair out from a broken
home who has a propensity to lie, cheat and steal or decide to drink the three
strongest imperial/ double IPAs in one sitting.
I’ve done both and I am retarded!
Honestly this beer in itself is a “Galactus Destroyer of Worlds” style
beer. This thing is an ass kicker and
that’s just the regular version not the Tenth Anniversary version.
Style: American Double/ Imperial
IPA
%ABV: 10.8
IBU: N/A
Bells HopSlam might be the heroine of the craft beer industry. Legend has it that this beer is limited to
patrons…like two per person when it’s on tap.
Apparently one particular maniac drank 4 pints in one sitting and then
went for a smoke outside and someone found him passed out after he wetted
himself in front of the bar where he’d
been smoking…he ordered another pint too on his way out to smoke. HOLY FUCK really?? 4 pints is insane!
Style: American Double/ Imperial
IPA
%ABV: 10
IBU: N/A
Absolutely the most bitter beer I’ve ever tasted. It’s more bitter than
a hot chick whose shelf life was short, got fat while her friends stayed skinny
and fuckable! I’ve had a plate of hummus
with Palate Wrecker and never tasted the hummus period! Palate Wrecker is just what it claims to
be…it destroys one’s ability to taste with its extreme hoppiness!
Style: American Double/ Imperial IPA
%ABV: 9
IBU: N/A
So I decided to drink all three of these babies the other night. Like when some whore in
sheep’s clothing
convinced me to take a quick trip to the courthouse and get married I said
“what the hell”! It took me a couple
hours to drink all three. The Stone was
a bomber the other two being 12 oz bottles!
The first was the Tenth Anniversary IPA!
That was strong plain and simple.
First sip was heavy and there is no way in hell I could drink more than
one pint of that shit! At 10.8% it might
send a novice beer drinker into a coma, but I’m no novice. It was extra malty but not sweet. The Malt masked the hops in it. It took a few drinks to recognize how hoppy
it was. It had a definite alcohol taste
but it wasn’t oaked. It was just strong
and heavy which is characteristic of a double IPA. There may have been hints of floral and
citrus notes but the malt-hop combination overwhelmed everything…as advertised
my palate was ruined. Dare I say my head
was starting to get a bit fuzzy so I popped the top on the second of the
triangle!
The Bells HopSlam is exactly a HopSlam, probably my favorite double IPA
ever. When I first tried this beer and it
blew my mind. There’s a good reason why
this shit sells out the instant it hits the shelf. This particular HopSplam has been in storage
for quite a while and it has mellowed a bit in taste releasing some of its
honey taste. But regardless this shit
was still hoppy as a jack rabbit and every bit as dangerous at 10% ABV. This was a nice follow up to the Stone double
and despite the claims that the Ruination ruins ones taste buds I didn’t have a
problem tasting the delicious hop slam.
But alas my head was starting to swim a bit so I made a business
decision…and kept drinking!
I liken Green Flash’s Palate Wrecker to getting punched in the mouth by
one of John “Bones” Jones kicks! One sip
of a double IPA boasting an alleged 135 IBUs is insane in itself. Make no mistake…after drinking this beer you
won’t be able to taste anything period.
It is literally what it claims to be, a palate wrecker. Halfway into this behemoth I was pretty
buzzed. My gums were numb and my eyes
were swimming in their sockets. As I set
back and enjoyed the evening breeze it was pretty evident I underestimated the
effects of drinking three mega double IPAs.
After I thought I’d sobered up a bit I decided to hit bed for what I
hoped was a pleasant night’s sleep…that wasn’t the case, I had the dreaded “Hop
Overdose induced death dream”!
The dream started with Turbo, Ghay Chris, and I leaving a bar. Apparently I was singing a pretty sweet
jingle about Gay Chris…I don’t remember it but I do remember it sounded
extremely bad ass. We got in Turbo’s BMW
and he took off like a bat out of hell like he always does. We were on a pretty curvy road and he missed
a curve sending his BMW hurling into a giant fucking tree. As the back end of the car approached its
devastating collision with said tree I hear Turbo tell me “Don’t worry the car
has a uni-body construction”! At that
point I knew I was going to die! We hit
the tree.
Next thing I wake up in a black body back. ‘m looking out the bag all the while people
who I don’t recognize are zipping and unzipping the bag looking at me! Finally this dude with a pale white face,
goatee, and small horns opens up the bag and looks at me through sinister
eyes. As he zips the bag up he says “how
are you gonna like it when someone else is shaving your chest”? As soon as the bag zips shut everything goes
black then the words religion.org appear in bright fucking white in front of my
face! Next I’m awake in my living
room. I walk out onto my porch and there
is a package in my mailbox. I take said
package out of the mailbox into the house and open it. In the package are a pair of green and white
striped Nike shorts with what I can only describe as a 15” waist! I remind myself to send them back then I
remember feeling relieved that I was awake and not dreaming about being dead in
a body bag. Then I walk to my window
look out across the street and notice the old people who are my neighbors out
in their yard working on their landscaping.
Seems normal but the only problem is they’re dead! I realize this then I say to myself “fuck I’m
really dead” then this sinister laugh starts to get louder and louder. Next I wake up in my bed, check my phone…it’s
3:45 am I’m broken out in a cold sweat and I’m depressed. WOW talk about hop
overdose man! I mean I was living a
nightmare. I can only attribute this to
two things…A) God is trying to tell me something or B) I may have taken into
many hops! Either way WOW! That was a fucked up dream! So by all means try this sometime and see
what happens to you!!
Cheers!
