MOJITO A GO GO

Ahh the Mojito!  I've never tried one in my life, but after seeing so many jackasses drink them I figured it was about time I tried one so I invited GQB7 over to my house on the hottest day of the summer and we made a few!  Now I don't make a habit outta drinking mixed drinks because I don't sit to pee and my heads not usually churning with made up stress but that being said I do have the occasional vagina injection (Mixed drink)!  Now I'm sure some of you dicks out there have made Mojitos and use better ingredients yada yada yada...congratulations you're better than me now go fuck yourself!  I hope you feel important! Anyways I feel important enough to share the recipe I used because I actually thought it was pretty tasty!  


2 oz Bacardi Orange Rum
1.5 oz of fresh lime juice
Tablespoon of brown sugar
5-7 mint leaves
one nice shaped fucking lime
Soda water
Crushed Ice

First thing grab a highball glass!  I have pretty sweet ones my X bought for the house back in the old days, she had good taste!  Next drop some Ice in a blender and grind that shit up!  FYI I didn't have luck with that so I said fuck that!  Next drop the mint leaves, limes juice, brown sugar, and a lime wedge into the highball glass...then Muddle!!!  I wasn't sure what the fuck muddling was so I youtubed it...I'm that thick and again I don't drink mixed drinks!  So I muddled the ingredients I dropped in the highball glass then I filled the glass with ice (non crushed because I didn't like that blender).  Next add the rum and top off with soda water...add a lime to garnish and drop a straw in!  GQB7 and I actually sat out on my porch and sweated our asses off drinking these and they were quite refreshing!  I paired the Mojito with a nice TTT Trinidad Corona Cigar...did you know that Mojitos are native to Cuba?  Well now you know why I smoked a cigar with it, I was keeping it real!  Anyways if you get bored grab some ingredients and invite over a cute girl to taste test!  I'm sure your Mojito will be a lot better than mine!

Cheers!

HOMEMADE MARGO!

Back in the good old days when I thought clearly and didn't make inherently bad decisions my pal Utts and I used to hit up the local Mexican joint and get pie-eyed on margaritas.  Now we're not talking one or two, we're talking like 5...in one sitting.  We wouldn't even eat!  Basically we'd just sit there munching on free chips drinking until we reached the end!  Often times we'd have to hoof it in the dead of winter because neither of us could drive...or at least I'd like to think we did?  I love margaritas!  

when I was out in Colorado last summer Steveo took me to a dive of a Mexican joint who boasts to have world's greatest margarita.  This thing was an amazing 24-oz mug filled with tequila goodness!  It tasted a lot different from any margarita I had prior.  It didn't have that too sweet sugary taste like some margaritas have because they're over sweetened to mask the tequila taste!  I feel a good margarita shouldn't mask the tequila but compliment it!  So I put on my mixoligist hat and started to coming up with my own margarita recipe!  It's simple:

1-oz Triple Sec
1.5-oz silver tequila preferably Don Julio
1-oz fresh lime juice

Combine all into a shaker full of ice.  Shake vigorously for a minute.  Serve in a lightly salted, chilled margarita or martini glass with lime wedge to garnish!

I brought my friend GQB7 over to be my guinea pig!  She gave me some good feed back and we mades some minor tweaks!  I defer to her opinion, she seems to have good taste!  And shockingly I said her because she's a girl!  So all you broads who think I'm a woman hater...blow me (figuratively)!  The good thing about this drink and ladies you'll love this, it doesn't boast all the empty calories the restaurant margaritas have! So if you're board hit the store and get together with some friend and have margaritas!  Feel free to play with the ratios to get for desired taste!

Cheers!

PARTAGAS SERIE D NO. 4

I knew a girl once who was never satisfied with anything and always thought she was better than everything and everyone else.  I told her once "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it"!  Same can be said for me.  For the longest time I've been on a quest to try various authentic Cuban cigars.  After what seems like years but actually months of searching I found some Cubans.  I commandeered a 4 pack sampler from Canada.  Among said 4 Pack was the Cuban Partagas Serie D No. 4.  One of the cigar reviews I use describes the Serie D No. 4 as follows:

A Cuban Blockbuster.  It does not need a presentation; also writing an introduction may be disrespectful.  There is a lot to say, and we will never be able to summarize with some few words, the story and even the major points of the legendary D4.  Hands-down, this is one of the best robustos on the market.  This will go head-to-head with the Cohiba Robustos and hold its own.  A powerful smoke, this will give any cigar smoker an appreciation of the Partagas line!

Length: 4.8

Ring Gauge: 50

Strength: Full

Country: Cuba

Wrapper: Cuba

After reading that review I pretty much convinced myself that this was going to be my Thursday smoke. As some of you know the communist anti-smoking laws have weaved their way to Indiana.  So starting July 1st you will no longer be able to enjoy a cigar at any bar in Indiana.    Anyways to commemorate the last days of freedom left is that northern suburb of Kentucky we decided to go over and have one last cigar.  I of course chose the vaunted Serie D!  I've always wanted to try a full blooded Cuban and like I said up top; be careful what you wish for!  Indeed I got more that I bargained for!  The Serie D started off amazing.  Hints of pepper instantly filled my mouth as I took in the first drag.  What followed was simply amazing.  The Serie D is as advertised.  It's a full bodied titan of a cigar.  It took me a little over and hour to smoke it.  Towards the end I realized that maybe I shoulda taken longer.  The first signs were hot flashes and cold clammy sweat forming on my freshly shorn head!  After a few minutes it became apparent I was fucked up!  I called broken arrow and headed to the bathroom and began splashing cool water on my face.  That didn't help because my butt cheeks parted and I had to take a shit!  Now if you know me you know I don't shit in public but I had to make a judgment call! 

So there I was on the shitter working on a clean break.  My face was turning 20 different shades, I had sweat dripping off my head, I had the spins, cold chills, hot flashes…then when I thought it couldn’t get any worse I was overcome by the dreadful feeling of nausea!  In one quick ninja like move I popped off the pot spun around with pants still down and vomited all over the pretty little shit I just took!  Leaning forward I emptied all the contents of my stomach into the toilet not only coating that turd but my mustache as well!  In the midst of puke ecstasy all I could do was laugh and vomit shot from my mouth.  45 seconds later my face was pasty-yellow-white, my shirt was soaked with sweat, my mustache tasked like dumpster trash, but I felt awesome!  I think it took me about 100’ of paper towel to clean up and dry off!  I regained my composure and headed back to the bar…a defeated man!

Overall I loved the Serie D. Despite the fact that it owned me, it was a fantastic smoke up until the very end!  As a result I’m going to get a box of these and master them!  Getting sick, taking a public dump then vomiting on it wasn’t really what I had in mind for the last time I’d be able to smoke indoors in Indiana, but when you think about how terrible that state really is, it is kind fitting!  I highly recommend the Partagas Serie D No. 4! 

Cheers!

DALE'S PALE ALE

It's well documented that I'm an IPA-Pale Ale aficionado and a hop head to boot and among my favorite said beers are New Belgium's Ranger IPA and 3Floyds Zombie Dust, but right up there with those two is the near and dear to my heart Dale's Pale Ale by Oskar Blues Brewery!

I first tried Dale's Pale Ale over a year ago when I was out in Colorado hanging with Steveo on my Freedom Tour 2011!  If you read the Legend of the Wooden Elephant post then you know somewhere in that maniac's (Steveo's) tornado of micro brew touring we hit up Oskar Blues and like a woman who has common sense, looks, is happy all the time, and doesn't speak unless spoken to, I fell in love!

America’s first hand-canned craft beer is a voluminously hopped mutha that delivers a hoppy nose, assertive-but-balanced flavors of pale malts and hops from start to finish. First canned in 2002, Dale’s Pale Ale is a hearty (6.5% and 65 IBUs), critically acclaimed trailblazer that has changed the way craft beer fiends perceive canned beer.

Beer Advocate rates Dale's Pale Ale an 89 which like the GUBNA I think is a little low, but 89 isn't a bad score!

We nicknamed this the "Double Penetration Ale" (DPA)!  After several it became apparent that a nickname was in order for such a fine beer. As mentioned above it is the first craft beer to be canned.  At first you might think that's ghay, but think about it...canned beer travels a hell of a lot better than it's bottled counterpart!  Which brings me to my next point, you can only get DPA in Colorado or at least that's the only place my ugly mug can get it!  So I have to pack it in a checked bag and cans are easy to do that with!  If you're ever in Colorado definitely give this beer a sip!  Or if you're ever lucky enough to be invited to my compound I may give you one if you ask nicely or if you're a hot broad who doesn't have an opinion!  

Cheers!